Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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