As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
