life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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