what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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