Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
