as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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