I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
3pm strippers are depressing
The air was thick with penises
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
