ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize