She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
