The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
