i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
