This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
