Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
