so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
