There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
