she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You may now shotgun with the bride
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
