Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
