he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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