we're blogging at a bar
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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