There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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