I cockslap morals
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
