Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
