yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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