Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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