People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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