Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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