Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
