i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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