Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
