I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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