wanna go halves on a baby?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
