That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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