Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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