If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
