Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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