I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
