Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
