I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
