I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize