Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
