I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Someone signed my nipple.
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