five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
