Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
