how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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