New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.