Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!