Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?

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  (917): You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower? http://tfl.nu/keh5
  Replies (1) Good night (1237) Bad night (574)
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  (510): View more from California

  I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...

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  (510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring... http://tfl.nu/set0
  Replies (80) Good night (2810) Bad night (8232)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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  (253): Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it. http://tfl.nu/s7pq
  Replies (15) Good night (617) Bad night (3620)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I need to stop coming to work sober

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  (808): I need to stop coming to work sober http://tfl.nu/5deo
  Replies (10) Good night (3357) Bad night (813)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.

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  (651): I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all. http://tfl.nu/rpqm
  Replies (9) Good night (4026) Bad night (1060)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.

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  (304): Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer. http://tfl.nu/4dxu
  Replies (6) Good night (2170) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards

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  (570): i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards http://tfl.nu/nrtg
  Replies (11) Good night (976) Bad night (2831)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

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  (814): You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done. http://tfl.nu/ojtz
  Replies (31) Good night (2937) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.

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  (307): all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot. http://tfl.nu/o7h8
  Replies (2) Good night (1398) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?

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  (202): Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry? http://tfl.nu/phvz
  Replies (1) Good night (1411) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.

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  (812): My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete. http://tfl.nu/hbes
  Replies (1) Good night (941) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces

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  (407): If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces http://tfl.nu/di36
  Replies (3) Good night (239) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?

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  (715): Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success? http://tfl.nu/ml6u
  Replies (0) Good night (545) Bad night (208)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps

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  (605): it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps http://tfl.nu/vib3
  Replies (6) Good night (657) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer

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  (724): She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer http://tfl.nu/pgrt
  Replies (5) Good night (237) Bad night (895)

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