I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish there were birth control emojis
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?