Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?

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  (516): Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right? http://tfl.nu/loiq
  Replies (9) Good night (3746) Bad night (643)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud

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  (863): just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud http://tfl.nu/54kw
  Replies (11) Good night (5047) Bad night (946)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."

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  (403): We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I." http://tfl.nu/5568
  Replies (25) Good night (4348) Bad night (984)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

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  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (29) Good night (9550) Bad night (1735)
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  (716): View more from New York

  her body is proportioned like a family guy character

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  (716): her body is proportioned like a family guy character http://tfl.nu/ptef
  Replies (15) Good night (1607) Bad night (4305)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.

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  (770): Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/stcx
  Replies (20) Good night (2845) Bad night (1081)
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  (310): View more from California

  Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...

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  (310): Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair... http://tfl.nu/dvxl
  Replies (4) Good night (2331) Bad night (803)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.

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  (630): The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time. http://tfl.nu/80xt
  Replies (7) Good night (2962) Bad night (701)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Boobs speak an international language.

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  (505): Boobs speak an international language. http://tfl.nu/m73t
  Replies (8) Good night (1516) Bad night (606)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.

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  (+44): don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused. http://tfl.nu/f355
  Replies (7) Good night (2344) Bad night (475)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.

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  (954): Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me. http://tfl.nu/26mx
  Replies (3) Good night (969) Bad night (385)
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  (408): View more from California

  I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.

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  (408): I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment. http://tfl.nu/3pv3
  Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (428)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.

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  (479): Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast. http://tfl.nu/ay73
  Replies (1) Good night (961) Bad night (381)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks

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  (609): Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks http://tfl.nu/alp6
  Replies (5) Good night (261) Bad night (624)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?

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  (289): I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say? http://tfl.nu/ijat
  Replies (3) Good night (650) Bad night (207)

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