Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers

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  (207): I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers http://tfl.nu/79gv
  Replies (9) Good night (2951) Bad night (654)
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  (415): View more from California

  So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.

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  (415): So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie. http://tfl.nu/1hr1
  Replies (25) Good night (5991) Bad night (1214)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

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  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
  Replies (20) Good night (9220) Bad night (1915)
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  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

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  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
  Replies (16) Good night (9684) Bad night (1438)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other

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  (401): We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other http://tfl.nu/z80n
  Replies (14) Good night (1820) Bad night (4355)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...

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  (573): I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head... http://tfl.nu/us9j
  Replies (3) Good night (1261) Bad night (585)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you also need to get my treadmill fixed.

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  (540): The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours. (540): you also need to get my treadmill fixed. http://tfl.nu/v31c
  Replies (7) Good night (1001) Bad night (596)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"

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  (314): Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do" http://tfl.nu/rrgq
  Replies (12) Good night (2747) Bad night (1228)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.

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  (203): I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship. http://tfl.nu/lj0r
  Replies (3) Good night (861) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.

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  (770): Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer. (770): Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand. http://tfl.nu/1fds
  Replies (7) Good night (1031) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.

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  (860): he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE. http://tfl.nu/wid5
  Replies (5) Good night (1074) Bad night (425)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day

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  (613): If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day http://tfl.nu/i6y7
  Replies (0) Good night (461) Bad night (343)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands

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  (330): You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands http://tfl.nu/9y5f
  Replies (1) Good night (684) Bad night (351)
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  (+35): View more from

  I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.

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  (+35): I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting. http://tfl.nu/tgle
  Replies (0) Good night (572) Bad night (220)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.

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  (612): I just bought a bottle of lube for my car. http://tfl.nu/si0x
  Replies (5) Good night (425) Bad night (267)

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