just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think people are normalizing furries
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
