apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You're like the curious george of whores
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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