Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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