i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she peed on how many people?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
