Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
