I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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