I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
