is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
