i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just pee around me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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