Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I supernannyed him into submission
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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