He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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