I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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