the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
