So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
