you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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