get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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