I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
