i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
