Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
