she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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