I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
