I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
