My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
