nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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