you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
