We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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