I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
