My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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