We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
