Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
