Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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