oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
