i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
