so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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