Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
