im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
