This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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