Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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